JOHOR BAHRU, Nov 20 – For many, university life is a journey of assignments, friendships and late-night study sessions. But for Maryam Sofea binti Farizal, the experience carried a deeper, quieter struggle one hidden behind calm smiles, academic excellence, and a determination she rarely showed to the world.
The Psychology and Human Resource Development graduate from the Faculty of Social Sciences and Humanities, Universiti Teknologi Malaysia (UTM), navigated her entire university journey while living with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Bipolar Disorder conditions that shaped her daily routines, thoughts, and challenges in ways few around her ever realised.
“I wasn’t naturally good at communicating,” she shared. “I rehearsed conversations like memorising a script. I studied social cues as if they were a subject.”
On the outside, she appeared articulate and confident; on the inside, every social interaction demanded immense effort. Her autism brought challenges in sensory sensitivity, communication, and emotional regulation struggles that went unnoticed because she masked them so well.
But beneath the masking lay a deeper battle.
Throughout her four-year degree, psychiatric hospitals became her second home. She faced hallucinations, moments where reality slipped away, manic episodes that pushed her beyond her limits, and depressive episodes that pulled her into darkness she could not control.
“It feels like the same brain I use to study is the same brain that drags me down, there were times I didn’t know what was real anymore.” she said.
Yet, even in the midst of breakdowns, Maryam found unexpected strengths. Her autism gave her a unique way of seeing the world an imagination and analytical mind that helped her excel academically. Her different wiring did not break her; it became part of her resilience.
UTM, too, became her sanctuary.
The campus lake, the greenery, the silence between classes, the gym and swimming pool these spaces grounded her when her thoughts grew too loud. Her lecturers, especially those in psychology, offered understanding and compassion. They gave her space to recover, time to stabilise, and support when she needed direction.
“My lecturers never saw me as broken,” she said. “Only a student trying her best.”
Her Final Year Project supervisor, Dr. Junaidah binti Yusof, became an anchor during her most challenging period. With patience and empathy, she guided Maryam until she completed her project and even earned the Best Presenter Award during her viva.
Behind the scenes, her family remained her strongest foundation. Her mother’s constant prayers steadied her. Her late father’s belief “Kakak ada potensi yang sangat besar dalam pelajaran” became the sentence she carried into every hard moment.
Along her journey, she also found a loyal friend who never left her side, someone who stayed through her breakdowns and celebrated her victories.
Today, at just 23, Maryam continues her academic journey as a PhD Fast Track student at UTM proof that struggles do not erase potential, and vulnerability does not diminish strength.
To students living with Autism, Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, dyslexia, or any mental health challenge, Maryam offers a message of courage:
“Do not be ashamed. Do not hide. You are not a burden. Move at your own pace. Rest when you need to. And most importantly, reach out for help because help is not a weakness.”
